2013

What I wrote 3 weeks ago but never published:


After the whirlwind of packing, then unpacking, then packing again for our family Hatyai trip, I've finally managed to have a breather, and start getting my things in order. Well... I believe START is the keyword.
Start looking for jobs. Sent out some CVs today... *fingers crossed*
Start renewing friendships and making new ones.
Start carving a niche for myself here after the nomadic lifestyle of the past three years.

Already, coming back home this time around feels different.

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Now

I feel like... the world's laziest blogger. Haven't really been doing much except for attending a few interviews and feeding the mass population of mosquitoes and other flesh-biting, bloodsucking insect in Penang. Seriously, it's getting out of hand! I got into a lift today and came out with a mosquito bite. If I had a coin for every "goh lui chi puat" that forms on my body, probably can treat myself to a nice toast and half boiled egg breakfast already.

Seems like every person I meet greets me with "so have you found a job?". Which is fine I guess... it is the standard how do you do for my circumstance. But after the 20th person, it does get a bit tiring. And it makes me feel more loserish telling them "no, I don't. still... looking...". But when I say that I've been to 3 interviews so far everyone gives me the "WAH so fast go find for job already ah?". So, I'm kinda confused. But anyhow, it's all good, cos I know they're just concerned people or just practising acceptable social greetings. Man, it does sound nerdy when I say things like that.

Life just doesn't wait for anyone, does it? It just moves on like a train, and you just have to get on while you can. Otherwise, as cliche as it sounds... life will just pass you by. Opportunities are God-given and there for the taking. I only hope I'll be alert enough to snatch them as they pass by, and wise enough to discern the gems from the rock. I still don't know what or where I see myself in 5 years time (it really stumps me when these kind of questions turn up in interviews), but I know I am ambitious. I am ambitious to see myself in a job I can call my career, and I am ambitious to be financially independent.
But, doesn't every fresh graduate feel the same? The burning desire to go out and make their mark in the world... to earn heaps of moolah etc. Me, I don't know about being rich and standing out or blazing a trail of glory. But what I do want, is to find my place in the whole scheme of things. To love and to be loved. and to be happy.

Ah, how corny.

Truth be told, I really find all these corny moments really awkward. I don't really enjoy talking about feelings and having little cries and touchy-feely moments. Actually, except for boyfriends (that's in a different category altogether), I try to stay away from any kind of physical contact. Until I went to NZ. People there like to hug you know... So I learnt, and it's not that bad. haha. But sometimes I still have panicky moments a second or two before I close in for a hug. Like, "where do I put my hands? Which side do I face??! Oh no, he/she's leaning in now!". Don't you get that too? Or am I being weird? Call me hard-hearted if you will. I do have feelings! (yes I keep telling myself and everyone else that), I just choose to show them in different ways. And i feel loved in ways that is less physical touch, and more through actions and deeds.

And Boom! another long post. Hope you actually get to the end.